


i do(n't) love you

by souldews



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: Canonical Character Death, M/M, final ep spoilers, scroll past this fic if you're not done w/ w359
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-16
Packaged: 2019-03-05 18:25:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13393632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/souldews/pseuds/souldews
Summary: kepler’s gone. that much is a fact that jacobi knows; when he’s running around trying to get them all on the urania he doesn’t see his (former?) boss, not even a body, and-- as expected from his line of work and how far south things have gone-- assumes the worst. doesn’t look for him, doesn’t turn the hephaestus upside-down for him, marks him KIA in his brain and moves on to help the rest of his crew.(there was a time where he would have. but he supposes kepler flushed that out the airlock, and so should he.“should” being the keyword, here.)"here's the thing about loss: it doesn't hit you like a freight train, not really.





	i do(n't) love you

**Author's Note:**

> > "I don’t love you  
> There’s no other reason  
> I don’t even want to say  
> I’m sorry or forgive me  
> That’s all  
> This is how I really feel  
> I don’t love you"
> 
> \- __  
> [urban zakapa - i don't love you](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJ3G2zxIRAE)  
> 

here’s the thing about loss: it doesn’t hit you like a freight train, not really.

kepler’s gone. that much is a fact that jacobi knows; when he’s running around trying to get them all on the urania he doesn’t see his (former?) boss, not even a body, and-- as expected from his line of work and how far south things have gone-- assumes the worst. doesn’t look for him, doesn’t turn the hephaestus upside-down for him, marks him KIA in his brain and moves on to help the rest of his crew.

(there was a time where he would have. but he supposes kepler flushed that out the airlock, and so should he.

“should” being the keyword, here.)

the urania pulls into an earthbound arc and everything else afterwards is a blur: they’re welcomed, he has to answer a couple questions (more than a couple, actually), goddard futuristics is plastered on just about every headline (and later, about its disbandment; honestly, saying it like that is a really mild way to put it), and he’s left pretty much financially set for life from purely compensation money that goddard futuristics had to pay him and everyone else involved in the entire debacle.

the entire time this is happening he’s with lovelace working on all the paperwork and going to one event after another, visiting minkowski who’s with her husband. goes over to where eiffel (and hera) have been rehomed to a house that’s capable of housing the AI and giving her enough processing power. talks with them both, rewatches star wars while helping eiffel catch up with pop culture, old and new, and watches eiffel fall in love with it all over again.

then after the hustle and bustle of trying to get everything else in order, he goes back to his old flat.

inserts the key, turns it, opens the door, steps inside, closes the door, and

here’s the thing about loss: it sneaks up on you when you don’t realize it.

jacobi walks into his kitchen, opens the overhead cupboard to get a mug to drink with, and it’s suddenly a mundane saturday morning somewhere in the distant past where kepler came over to stay at his insisting he’s got nowhere better to be (how inhospitable of you, jacobi! are you going to turn me down?). jacobi thinks he can _hear_ the smile in kepler’s words as he drawls a lazy “good morning”, and if he tried hard enough he could probably see him lean on the kitchen counter like he owns the place.

it lasts a brief moment before he’s back in the present, in his flat, alone. he blinks twice to re-center himself, and sighs.

jacobi goes to the balcony, lights a cigarette and places it gingerly between his lips, and he can hear the soft _tsk_ kepler always does when he spots him doing that.

_that can’t be good for you, can it?_

_with all due respect, sir, neither is all that whiskey._

_you wound me. you make me sound like a drunkard, jacobi!_

he gets changed and feels a pair of eyes roam across the expanse of his back as he takes off his top, hears a ghosted _did anyone ever tell you you look absolutely stunning, jacobi?,_  feels phantom hands trace the landscape of his chest like they’re mapping the topography of his skin, shuts his eyes and knows exactly what’s going to come next: _let me show you, then._

he lays down in his bed, curls up into himself; tries not to think about what this bed has seen and

here’s the thing about loss: even though they’re not worth mourning, even though they’re probably never going to fucking mourn you either,

it’s here to stay, and it doesn’t _care._

(and neither did kepler.)

**Author's Note:**

> this.... became a cathartic experience? 
> 
> thank you for sticking to the end of this personal fic.


End file.
